Trick or Treat
by Cinnamon secrets
Summary: A bonding activity for Halloween gets unexpected results. Code names are used, and the crew is determinated to join the Captain and Commander and end everyone's misery. SLASH AND CRACK.
1. Casual Halloween day

**Title:** Trick or Treat.

**Universe/Series:** Reboot.

**Rating:** PG-15.

**Summary:** A bonding activity for Halloween gets unexpected results.

**Beta:** _Anbessette._

**Notes:** Oh, dear, this prompt was made as you all assumed, last Halloween; unfortunately I haven't been around since RL is really demanding, but here's the first part. The prompt involved the crew dressing up as characters the Reboot actors have starred in other movies. Not sure if I got the prompt right, but here's my shot and we shall see. It's kind of cracky since apparently I'm unable to do other things (I fail at life). Special thanks to my wonderful beta **Anbessette**, who has to deal with all my weird ideas. And as random as it is: Happy New year! This is the first story I publish in English during 2012, so even when it's late and all, I wish you all the best and let's hope the prophecies are wrong and we have a good year.

_Disclaimer: I don't own anything except the fantasies in my head (mostly). _

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><p>There was something about the environment on the Enterprise that Jim found weird. Even though they had been living together for months, it was like the crew still wasn't comfortable sharing space, like something was missing.<p>

It wasn't as if people were failing at their duties, but it was so… _formal_. Yes, that was the word, it was solemn, without any enjoyment. It was borderline dull. He couldn't blame this _entirely_ on Spock, but Jim knew the Vulcan had some input on how the crewmembers had to behave. Jim had been trying to meet Spock halfway, but honestly, everyone was going to die of boredom if this continued.

And he knew the perfect excuse to change this boring routine: Halloween. Jim loved Halloween – free candy, funny costumes and pranks, what else could he ask for in a celebration? Since most of the crewmembers were humans (_eighty point nine percent_, according to Spock), Jim thought this would be a great opportunity to break the ice and become more at ease with the current mission. Five years in space could make people edgy, and they were just starting out; it had better be on the right foot. The only reason Jim had waited this long to do something was to make it clear that he and Spock were on good terms. People still believed they hated each other, or at least that there was a strong feeling of dislike between them. Which was far from the truth. They weren't best friends by any means, but they had a civil and respectful working relationship.

Sometimes he wondered if that would change eventually. Spock didn't seem too thrilled about spending time with him after shift and, well, he felt deeply uncomfortable every time he tried to make small talk with the Vulcan. It was like years of training on how to be charming were squashed by one lifted eyebrow. Jim was counting on this making them more relaxed.

That was why he decided to change the dynamic and make the crew wear a costume for Halloween. Spock, after a thorough discussion, had reluctantly agreed and called it '_casual Halloween day'. _He wasn't sure how he'd managed to convince Spock, but when he gave the green light (sending everyone a memo about 'costume suggestions'), Jim was ecstatic. He hoped this would break the ice, and he couldn't wait to see what the crew was going to wear.

Jim knew that as he was the one who suggested the idea, he needed an excellent costume. At least something good had come out of Sam's strange tendency to dress Jim as a girl when they were little (his older brother had a fixation with having a sister and Jim liked the attention). If he had been a girl, he would be hot, no doubt about it. Sure, the dress was itchy and the pantyhose were hell to wear, but his costume was perfect.

Wanting to cause a reaction from every crewmember who stepped on the Bridge, Jim was there an hour before his shift started. He dismissed the skeleton crew, who apparently weren't paying much attention to Jim's appearance. They were probably tired, Spock tended to be really strict with them about being prepared for any urgent situation they may face.

"Are you sure you want to stay alone, Captain?" Edwards said reluctantly.

"I think I can handle the ship for an hour, Ensign," Jim said gleefully. "My girl knows how to behave."

"It's just… Commander Spock doesn't approve of leaving the Bridge abandoned," Smith said, trying to mask the fear in his voice.

Jim couldn't blame him, Spock was scary as shit when he got all professional. Even Jim was a little afraid of the Vulcan (hey, the guy tried to choke him one time, it was expected that he'd have some sort of PTSD).

"It will not be abandoned. I'm staying here. Or are you implying I lack the necessary abilities to keep everything in order for an hour?" Jim asked.

"No sir," Smith said quickly.

"Don't worry, Smith, I'll tell Spock I ordered you to leave early. I'll handle him."

That seemed to do the trick. Smith and the others looked relieved.

"Then, if you'll excuse us Captain…"

"Go. Get plenty of rest and be ready for your next shift."

Jim saw the crew walking towards the turbolift.

"Is he wearing a dress?" Jim heard Edwards finally asking to the other crewmembers in a whisper.

"Maybe we are really tired," Smith said, yawning.

Jim smirked. Well, not exactly the reaction he was aiming for, but at least they noticed the dress.

Half an hour later, Jim was getting bored; maybe he should have waited for everyone to start the shift then made an entrance in his awesome costume.

As expected, Spock was the first one to step onto the Bridge. He always got there earlier than the rest; Jim suspected it was because he wanted to reprimand the skeleton crew before dismissing them. They probably had nightmares about the Vulcan by now.

"Good morning, Commander," Jim said, standing up.

"Good morning – " Spock looked at Jim with the same impassive face he always had, but Jim knew he was stunned on the inside. " – Captain," he finished after a few seconds of silence.

"What, Spock?" Jim said playfully. "You never saw a guy in a dress before?"

"On the contrary Captain, I have seen plenty of male humans wearing this kind of garment. Mister Scott is fond of that particular attire," Spock said, quick to regain control. Yes! At least Jim had managed to perturb him a little. This counted as a victory in his book.

"That's a kilt, it's not really the same. On the other hand, you promised," Jim added, pouting.

"I beg your pardon?"

"Halloween. You said you would wear a costume!" Jim complained. Yeah, it had been naïve on his part to think that Spock would actually go through with the promise. "I thought Vulcans didn't lie."

"We do not. I have not failed to fulfill my agreement," Spock said.

"Spock, I'm wearing a dress, you look the same as you do every day."

"You did not specify the kind of costume, nor did you establish any expectations. You merely said, and I quote, 'all crewmembers must wear a costume'. If I may, this is another example of how vague your instructions can occasionally be."

"Yeah Spock, I'm the king of vague instructions, you've told me this, what? Eleven times already?"

"Fourteen." Spock said calmly.

"It felt like less. Anyway, if you are wearing a costume, do you mind explaining it to me?"

"Not at all. I read about this particular celebration and Lieutenant Uhura clarified some points about it; if I understood correctly, this aim is to 'dress up' as something unpleasant and antagonistic to the true nature of the individual wearing the costume, correct?"

"Not exactly, but go on."

"Based on my information, I chose my attire accordingly to what I understood the holiday meant."

Jim looked at Spock carefully. He was exactly the same, what the hell was he hinting at?

"And may I ask what that attire is?"

"I am dressed as Doctor McCoy."

Jim couldn't help it. He laughed. This was so priceless! Now that he looked again, yeah, Spock wasn't wearing the gold band that showed his rank.

"Are you telling me that _Bones_ is something unpleasant and antagonistic for you?"

"The Doctor finds it amusing to bait me at every given opportunity. Our disagreements are not unknown, I recall that you even find them a source of entertainment."

"Yeah, because you two argue over every little thing. Just yesterday you went on and on about salt. I mean, you should just date and end our misery."

He meant it as a joke, but Spock looked so livid that Jim thought perhaps he had somehow offended the Vulcan's delicate honor.

"I'm joking, Spock."

"I believe the point of a _joke_ is enjoyment," Spock said curtly.

"All right, sorry. So, you're Bones. Hate to rain on your parade, but Bones doesn't have pointed ears."

"I tried to disguise my Vulcan features, however the prosthetic ears are far too uncomfortable. I decided to just act as obnoxious as Doctor McCoy to make my costume believable."

"Uh, are you sure you can do that?" Jim asked doubtfully.

"I assure you, I can excel at every task assigned to me, no matter how pointless and unproductive it may be. This, of course, is no exception."

"Glad to know what you think of this, Spock," Jim snorted. It kind of hurt to hear Spock say how stupid Jim was for proposing this.

"I believe you misunderstood me, Jim. While I do not share your gratification in these events, I do understand the necessity of 'meeting half way', as you eloquently put it. You have allowed me to do things you found questionable, like letting me handle the night shift; it is my turn to do things I find questionable without complaint."

"I wouldn't exactly call this 'without complaint', but thanks." Jim smiled. "And did you just call me 'Jim'?"

"As you know, I am disguised as Doctor McCoy. He calls you 'Jim' incessantly; it appears the good Doctor fears you are ignorant of your own name," Spock said with some annoyance. Jim had noticed Spock wasn't too thrilled that Bones called him by his given name.

"So I've been asking you to call me 'Jim' for three months, and it took you to dressing up as Bones to finally say it? If I'd known, I would have proposed this sooner," Jim joked.

"Yet you did not know, hence the wait. May I ask what you find unpleasant about female humans?"

"Oh…" Jim glanced at himself, noticing how Spock did the same. "Halloween is not always about disguising as something you find unpleasant, Spock. Sometimes it's just about dressing up. What? You think I'm an ugly woman?"

Spock kept looking at Jim oddly; it was starting to make him feel nervous.

"It would be unfair to compare your appearance, as you are not a female."

Okay, that was code for _you're ugly as hell._

"Wow, I'm wounded. Here I thought I looked good, and now I see I was wrong."

"I did not imply…"

Before Spock could finish, they heard the turbolift open. Chekov and Sulu entered the Bridge, talking animatedly. Sulu was wearing all black, with a mask that covered his eyes and a beret. Chekov was dressed casually, but looked a little paler.

"Good morning, Commander Spock, Captain." Sulu said happily.

"Sulu, what are you supposed to be? A black panther?" Jim arched his eyebrow.

"I'm Kato. I used to watch re-runs of 'The Green Hornet'."

"The movie?"

"No, the old TV Show! Honestly, the movie did no justice to the show."

"He has been saying that for the last five minutes. It was getting annoying." Chekov shook his head.

"And you, Chekov?"

"I'm a vampire!" Chekov smiled brightly, showing his fake fangs.

"Very casual for a vampire, where's your cape?"

"Oh, he's one of those silly vampires in the girls' movies… what was the name?" Sulu pondered.

"Twilight?" Jim said, smirking.

"Yeah! I mean, those movies are from two centuries ago, but Chekov here thinks he resembles one of the characters." Sulu smirked as well.

"It's what everyone says!" Chekov defended himself. "And besides I had the fangs already."

"Kinky," Jim winked.

Chekov blushed deeply while Sulu laughed and Spock just stood there observing. It was sometimes unnerving how Spock was just there, without saying anything.

"Captain, your costume is very nice," Chekov complimented, probably to change the subject.

"Really? Spock thinks I look ugly."

"I did not say that," Spock finally spoke in a harsh tone. "I merely indicated that…"

"Well, I see I'm the only one missing from the party."

Everyone turned to the turbolift as Uhura entered the Bridge, dressed as a pirate.

"A pirate, Uhura? Really?" Jim grinned.

"A female pirate," Uhura pointed out. "And what are you? Some character from the 'Rocky Horror Picture Show'?"

"I thought about that, yes, but Spock wouldn't let me wear a corset on the Bridge," Jim sighed.

"A costume is not synonymous with a lack of clothing," Spock said. "Underwear garments can be distracting and unsafe."

"I agree; that's why I usually don't wear any," Jim said with a smile.

"Too much information, Jim," Uhura cringed, while Chekov blushed again. Spock coughed lightly.

"I believe it is time for my daily revision of the system. If you will excuse me," Spock said, turning around to head towards his console.

"Subtle, Spock," Uhura said, smirking.

Spock ignored Uhura and sat down in front of his console.

"Spock's right, let's get back to work," Jim supported, mostly because Spock had indulged him with this costume thing, even if he had the lamest disguise Jim had ever seen.

"Are you comfortable wearing that, though?" Uhura asked with curiosity.

"Of course," Jim said, waving his hand in dismissal. "This may shock you, but it's not the first time I've worn a dress."

"Yeah, I'm pretty shocked," Uhura said sarcastically.

"I'm still disappointed you didn't follow my suggestion," Jim said while he took his place in the Captain's chair.

"Jim, it will rain pigs before you see me dressed as what you suggested."

"What? What did the Captain suggest?" Chekov asked enthusiastically.

"I think Uhura has the body to look good in everything," Jim flattered, "and when Bones and I were talking about old movies, we thought Uhura would be a pretty hot Na'vi. Don't you all agree?"

"Oh, yes, you would be very attractive in blue," Chekov agreed.

"Please. First of all, I'm not painting myself in blue for the entire day, and secondly, you only suggested it because the character lacks clothing. I thought Spock just said that's not synonymous with a costume," Uhura scoffed.

"Spoilsport," Jim chuckled.

"I never got those movies," Sulu added, "but I must admit it was a great advance in 3D animation back then."

"Well, now we have holovideos anyway," Chekov said.

"I prefer the classics. Nothing like watching 'Nosferatu' in old, fashioned black and white."

"You still haven't said why you are dressed as a woman. Are you making some sort of reference, or are you hinting at one of your hobbies?" Uhura smirked.

"Very funny. As Captain, I find important set an example in everything, including costumes. Don't you think I look great?"

"As disturbing as it is, I do think you look cute."

"See, Spock? Uhura thinks I'm hot, and she's a woman; her input counts more." Jim smiled at Spock.

"Indeed," Spock said dryly.

Spock didn't sound too happy, he almost looked upset. Jim thought about what had just happened, and couldn't come up with anything that would offend the Vulcan. He glanced at Uhura, who only shrugged.

"You know, Chekov? You look exactly like the kid who was in that movie… Hearts in Atlantis," Uhura said, probably to change the subject to more cheerful topics.

"I haven't seen that one," Chekov said with curiosity.

"What? You think he looks like the emo kid?" Sulu laughed.

"Hey, he wasn't emo, Anthony Hopkins made everything better," Jim chuckled. "I see it; he resembles the kid a little, right?"

"Particularly with those cute curls. Really Chekov, your face is like a lethal weapon. Blue eyes, curly hair and porcelain skin, how can you be so adorable? You look like a doll," Uhura said gleefully.

"I'm not a doll!" Chekov protested.

"Oh, don't upset him, he had enough of that with the yeomen wanting to dress him up for today," Sulu defended.

"Let me guess, Rand tried to put a skirt on you?" Jim asked.

"They all ambushed me and put makeup on me!" Chekov wailed. "It was unfair."

"You looked good," Sulu complimented. "I think you and the Captain could pass as sisters if you both wore makeup and dresses."

"Do you wish to file an official complaint about this situation, Mister Chekov?"

Everyone turned to look at Spock, who was still facing his console, but apparently heard everything.

"Uh…" Chekov stammered. Jim could tell he was debating what to do. Clearly he didn't want to file anything, but Spock was sometimes oblivious about human interactions.

"I don't think that is going to be necessary, Commander," Jim interceded, smiling at Spock, who raised his eyebrow at him. "As you know, humans have some weird interactions, this is one of them. Most of the crew see Chekov as the kid brother that everyone loves and cuddles, and well, the yeomen sometimes get creative. I'll talk to them and let them know that makeup on Chekov is off limits unless he agrees first."

"Very well, if you believe is the best course of action, I will let you handle it," Spock said in a low voice. He didn't sound angry anymore, more like he was resigned to being surrounded by crazy humans.

"And I'm seventeen," Chekov muttered. "I'm not a kid."

"Well, you're the youngest around here, we see you as the baby," Uhura cooed.

"Sulu, I thought you were going to dress up as a samurai or something, with all those swords you have in your room," Jim said.

"Katanas, and no, I like my costume better. This character was loved by generations of my family."

"Maybe you are related to Bruce Lee somehow," Jim mocked.

"As our training usually ends with you on the floor because of my moves, I can say that perhaps I am," Sulu smirked.

"All right, I _let_ you win to help with the crew morale," Jim complained.

"Call it what you want, you lose every time; maybe you like having me on top of you too much," Sulu joked.

They heard a loud noise from Spock's console; apparently the Vulcan had let his stylus fall, making a cracking sound.

"You okay, Spock?" Jim asked, worried.

"I am well; I appreciate your concern, Captain," Spock said in his best, formal voice.

"Besides Sulu, I think you look exactly like the guy on 'Harold & Kumar'," Chekov laughed, continuing with the topic.

"You're right!" Uhura piped in. "The only thing off is the hair, otherwise, you're exactly like him!"

"I don't see it," Sulu grumbled out.

"Come on, Sulu, you have to admit you resemble him a little," Jim smirked.

"It's not funny, people used to call me that at the Academy," Sulu complained.

"Fine, fine, but you do look like him," Chekov said.

"Whatever, today I'm Kato, so don't make me use all my martial arts moves on you," Sulu threatened, smiling.

"I could just bite you and turn you into a vampire." Chekov smiled back.

"Dear, this is getting interesting," Uhura chimed in. "I suppose I would sail the ship then? Not exactly sailing, but I'm a pirate, so… sailing it is!"

"And what am I supposed to do then?" Jim said, looking at everyone with an eyebrow lifted.

"Just sit there, being all pretty, like a good damsel in distress," Uhura said.

"Okay, then what would Spock do?" Jim challenged Uhura.

"Spock doesn't count, he isn't wearing a costume." Uhura dismissed Jim's comment.

"You are mistaken, Lieutenant," Spock said abruptly. "I would appreciate it if you verify you data before making assumptions."

Uhura looked taken aback for a moment. She turned to Jim, who was also gaping at Spock for having the nerve to say that as breezily as he ordered his yeoman around. Jim glanced at her and she mouthed _oh, it's on_. Jim didn't have any idea what that meant, but somehow he felt this wouldn't bode well for Spock.

"Really, Spock? You promised Jim you would 'dress up', and yet you're here in your uniform," Uhura baited him.

"I am dressed. I am wearing a costume. I have fulfilled my agreement. Not everything is as obvious as you would like it to be, Lieutenant."

Ouch. That was harsh, everyone knew Spock and Uhura often argued about Spock's inability to show emotions. Jim had to step in, he didn't want this to turn in some kind of ex-lovers' spat. If Spock and Uhura were still having problems months after their breakup, they could argue on their own time. Now they were on duty and… well… they were ruining his holiday, dammit!

"He's Bones. Can you tell? He's badmouthing you like Bones would do it." Jim smiled at both of them, to see if his charm could work.

"Ah, I see," Uhura smirked. Somehow Jim knew this wouldn't be the end of the topic. "Interesting choice of costume, Spock. Could it be you chose to dress as Leonard because he has something you've wanted for a while?"

To Jim's surprise, Spock stiffened, turning back to his console in what Jim assumed was anger. What could Bones possibly have that Spock wanted? He looked at Uhura doubtfully; she just smiled and shook her head.

"Don't worry Spock, if you are interested in something Bones had has, I probably know where he got it. I can help you out," Jim suggested. Sometimes it was fun seeing Spock all riled up, but this time he didn't even know why was he angry. It wasn't fair if he had to suffer when he had no idea what had even caused this.

"No need, Captain, thank you for the suggestion," Spock answered after a few moments of silence. Okay then, this better be the end of it, Jim hated being in the middle of this drama.

They continued the shift normally. Sulu and Chekov talked about making a holovideo of the adventures of Kato and Jasper, while Uhura said it was dumb; Jim glanced at Spock every now and then, to see if the Vulcan was really fine. He seemed lost in thought, as he had ever since Uhura spoke.

"Captain?" Chekov asked suddenly.

"Sorry, what?"

"We were wondering if you would be our female in need of saving," Sulu said.

"I hate movies where women are just the pretty companions," Uhura spat. "Couldn't you think of having a female character who could actually be the star?"

"You could teach us a lesson for being stereotypical idiots and make your movie, Uhura," Jim suggested. "How about a 'Suckerpunch' remake? Take Chapel, Rand, Millers and Parker and you've got yourself a hit holovideo."

"Please," Uhura scoffed, "you only want to see us in those tiny outfits."

"True, but I watched the movie for the plot at first. There's something about old movies based on old videogames… holovideos can't really give that sense of nostalgia I love so much."

"Sure, for the plot," Uhura said disbelievingly.

"I said _at first_. The gorgeous girls in revealing outfits were a plus." Jim smiled.

"Weren't they a little young for you, Jim?" Uhura smiled as well.

"I was fifteen when I saw the movie for the first time, my brother loved the vintage experience, so I think it wasn't as creepy as it might sound now," Jim justified.

"We should have an old movies marathon once in a while," Sulu said. "I feel homesick just having this conversation."

"Wonderful idea, Sulu," Jim congratulated. This was what he wanted, everyone finding things they had in common to bond over.

"We could do it in the recreation room!" Chekov sounded enthusiastic. "Maybe we could start today, with a horror marathon?" Chekov looked at Jim with pleading eyes.

"It's a little rushed, don't you think? Where are we going to get the movies?" Jim frowned.

"I believe I can be of assistance, Captain," Spock said, surprising everyone again. "As I was revising the data bases, I came across a singular collection of Terran movies that could be easily accessed; I doubt Starfleet would mind if we take advantage of their teaching materials."

Nobody said anything for a few moments. Spock just waited patiently to see what Jim's opinion on the subject was.

"Mister Spock," Jim said in his best solemn voice, "are you suggesting we hack into Starfleet data base?"

"Negative. Hacking would imply we do not have permission to access it. Starfleet does not limit the right to use the data bases to any ship," Spock explained.

Jim knew it was bullshit, but hey, the Vulcan was trying to bond with them, Jim was hardly going to give him a hard time. Perhaps if they someday become friends (_yeah, right_), this could be something Jim would joke about.

"We all thank your generous offer, Commander," Jim said politely, "and of course, if it's not too much trouble, I would be grateful if you could help us out with this improvised idea."

"It is not trouble at all, Captain," Spock responded as politely as Jim. "If you could spare some time during lunch, we could revise the data base and you could choose the files you want for the event."

"That's fine, Spock; we have a lunch date then," Jim smiled.

Uhura laughed, while Spock nodded silently and went back to whatever thing he was doing. Odd.

Sulu and Chekov began suggesting movies. Uhura disagreed with most of their selections, arguing that those were stupid and immature movies.

"Really, Chekov? Texas Chainsaw Massacre?" Uhura frowned.

"It was really scary," Chekov said.

Uhura was about to answer when she noticed a blinking light on her console.

"Incoming communication from Admiral Komack, Captain," Uhura said after tracking the signal.

What? They weren't supposed to call today! Jim told Pike… dammit! Jim _told_ Pike. He should have known the bastard was going to do something to embarrass him. He couldn't let Komack see him like this! He already had problems with all the 'you're immature and unfit for the Captaincy' crap Komack gave him every time he defied his stupid orders. This would be the cherry on the cake for him.

"Could you keep him on hold, Uhura?" Jim said quickly, standing up. He could dress and remove his makeup in record time, he knew that. Five minutes would be enough.

"He says – uhm – he says it's urgent and he's demanding that I patch him through."

"Spock, could you take this while I change?" Jim pleaded.

"Of course, Captain." Spock stood up, and walked towards the Captain's chair.

"Uhura, tell Komack I had to…"

"Captain, he wants to talk to you now and he is kind of yelling me and – " Uhura looked torn. Jim felt sorry for her, he knew how Komack could be. Besides, this could affect Uhura as well. Knowing Komack, he would say Jim was a bad influence on the crew and that they were slacking off because of him. Taking a deep breath, he sat back while Spock stood next to him.

"Very well, put it on screen, Lieutenant." Jim prepared himself for the humiliation, trying to look as professional as a man in a dress, wig and makeup could be.

"I could still take your place, Captain," Spock whispered, making Jim shiver since he hadn't noticed how close Spock had gotten to his ear, "I could excuse you to Admiral Komack."

The unsaid explanation was clear to Jim. _I have more credibility and Komack likes me._ Who cared? If Komack wanted to push him, well, he could only comply.

"It's fine, Spock. Let's do this, shall we?"

Jim took another breath, sensing how Spock took a step back, accepting his probably stupid decision. Well, he better get used to it, Jim would be making a lot of bad and careless decisions in their upcoming missions. This could help Spock become accustomed to it.

"Good day, Admiral. How can I help you?" Jim said in his best formal voice.

"Captain Kirk, I have revised your last report and you didn't inform us about the quadrants you have been exploring," Komack said. He didn't bother to look at the screen, instead focusing on something next to it, probably the report. Jim saw Pike next to him, and he dared to wink at Jim. Bastard.

"I was under the impression we should report quadrants only when we found something relevant," Jim said neutrally.

"Relevant to whom, Mister Kirk?" Komack asked brusquely. "We should be informed of –" Komack looked up, finally seeing Jim. He just stared with wide eyes while Pike chuckled behind him.

"Of what, Admiral?" Jim asked after neither of the Admirals broke the awkward silence.

"Kirk," Komack said in a low voice. "What the hell is happening there?"

"I don't understand the question, Admiral," Jim said, feigning innocence.

"You know damn well what I mean!" Komack raised his voice.

"I believe the Admiral wants to know why are you so festive, Jim." Pike finally spoke, and of course, it was to mock him.

"Oh." Jim quickly tried to think of the best way to explain this. "I asked Admiral Pike about having a day free of formalities, since it's Halloween and the crew has been working hard. He agreed." _There, asshole, let's see how you get out of this_, Jim thought.

Komack turned around abruptly to face Pike, who looked completely impassive.

"Did I forget to mention that detail?" Pike asked in his best innocent voice. Jim had to concede that he really sounded clueless.

"Yes Pike, you forgot to mention our best ship was being turned into a joke," Komack snapped.

"Don't be dramatic, Komack," Pike frowned.

Jim felt he was in the middle of a fight between Mom and Dad.

"Don't be so permissive, Pike," Komack bit back. "Just because you and George were friends doesn't mean you have to give Kirk a free pass on everything. It's bad enough he got the Enterprise; must we let him use it for his personal entertainment?"

Wow, Komack really wasn't beating around the bush. Jim tried to subdue his anger. If he spoke right now he probably was going to tell Komack to shove it up his stuck up ass. That wasn't good. Pike opened his mouth, ready to reply, when they heard someone else's voice.

"Admiral Komack, with all due respect, I believe you are being extremely irrational."

All heads turned to stare at Spock. Jim tried to look calm but probably failed. The Vulcan just talked back to an Admiral. It was… impossible. Maybe Jim was dreaming. Or he'd entered some bizarre alternate dimension. It couldn't be that Spock was voluntarily getting in trouble for him.

"Excuse me, Commander?" Komack turned his hate glare on Spock.

"Captain Kirk is in charge of the Enterprise because he is qualified; he saved your planet, after all. As for our current attire, we have the Admiralty's permission to have a casual day. All crewmembers agreed, I even made sure they signed this accord. I have copies of both documents, would you like me to send copies to your personal log as well?"

"That's right," Pike intervened. "Did I forget to tell you that we all signed Spock's document? It must be my age, I keep forgetting things."

"I would say is selective memory, _sir._" Jim glared at Pike. He didn't know Spock had documents to back him out, but he wasn't surprised either. Spock always tried to do everything by the book; one time he made Jim sign three documents just to request a new stylus.

"We didn't 'all' sign, Pike." Komack continued his angry tirade. "_I _didn't sign it."

"Oh, you were at lunch, and we all know how annoying you get without food. If we can barely stand you when you're fed…" Pike drifted off.

"I didn't contact the Enterprise to be insulted," Komack spat. "Just send the information requested, Kirk, and avoid screwing things up. Refrain from giving me excuses to remove you from the Captaincy and give it to someone worthy of it."

Without giving Jim time to answer, Komack stood up and walked away, leaving Pike there.

"He really needs to get laid." Pike shook his head. "So Jim, did you like my Halloween prank?"

"No. You suck," Jim pouted. He felt like he could breathe again.

"Come on, it wasn't that bad! Komack could have been worse."

"Jeez Pike, being told I'm incompetent isn't as much fun as you might think." Jim glared again. He loved the man like a father, but sometimes he had a weird sense of humor.

"I think you handled it pretty well. Cheer up kiddo, Komack probably will have fantasies about you in that dress."

"Okay, now you are just being cruel." Jim kept pouting.

Pike laughed, and okay, Jim had to admit the look on Komack's face when he saw the costume had been pretty funny.

"So, Spock, why aren't you wearing a costume? I thought you said every member of the crew signed this thing." Pike looked at Spock with amusement.

"I am wearing a costume," Spock said curtly. He was probably tired of hearing that.

"Are you disguised as a Vulcan? That's not original, Spock."

"He's disguised as Bones," Jim explained, smiling.

Pike looked carefully at Spock, who held his ground under this inspection.

"I don't see it," Pike said.

"He isn't wearing his Commander's band, Pike," Jim explained.

"Oh." Pike smirked. "I must say that I expected something more… extravagant."

"I like to believe I gave my costume a careful thought," Spock defended himself.

"Well Pike, it was fun, but we are celebrating, and you are a dick. We all have things to do."

"Is that the way you talk to your superior, Kirk?" Pike looked offended. "What would Komack say if he could hear you?"

"He would probably agree with me. You aren't his favorite person right now," Jim grinned.

"When have I been his favorite person anyway?" Pike asked. "Fine, enjoy the day. Please send me pictures if something interesting happens."

"Of course," Jim nodded.

"Behave," Pike said, imitating Komack. "Pike out."

The screen went black, and silence filled the Bridge.

"Well… that was fun, right?" Jim said breaking the silence.

Chekov smiled lightly and Sulu shook his head, amused. Uhura chuckled and Spock… well, he just strode back to his console, without saying anything.

Jim laughed softly; fun indeed.

* * *

><p>Spock was walking to his room, to wait for the Captain. He had decided that they would both feel more comfortable if they were in a somewhat private space. It had nothing to do with the fact that everyone kept glancing at the Captain with wide eyes. (His costume attracted too much attention; Spock realized this was not something he liked, perhaps because it was disrespectful.)<p>

"Still mad at me?"

Spock saw Nyota walking next to him. He had not noticed her approach; he needed to stop being distracted by the Captain and be more aware of his surroundings.

"I was not 'mad' at you," Spock said curtly.

"I can tell," Nyota smiled. "Look Spock, I was just trying to help."

Spock would sigh if he were human.

"I told you that information in confidence, Nyota." Spock decided to stop being diplomatic. "You had no right to make witty comments and try to push things, let alone be rude to a superior officer."

"I wasn't rude!" Nyota said defensively. "Well, maybe a little. But I wasn't speaking as a Lieutenant, Spock; I was speaking as your friend."

"You, more than anyone, know that I keep my personal affairs separated from my work. We were in front of our crewmembers and our superior officer. I can only imagine the idea Captain Kirk must have of me now because of your meddling."

Spock saw Nyota flinch and realized his words were harsh. He had not meant to say that out loud, but apparently all his self restraint was compromised when the topic involved Captain Kirk.

"Okay, point," Nyota said, sounding apologetic. "I sometimes get frustrated, Spock, that's all. You're my friend, and I want to see you happy."

"I appreciate your loyalty, but you must understand my position; it was disconcerting to see you pushing subjects I am still uncomfortable admitting even to myself."

"Yeah, I know, I was a bitch." Nyota smiled sadly.

"If you mean that in the literal sense of the word, it is illogical, you are a human female, not canine. However, if your statement is an example of the figurative speech humans are fond of using, then yes, you were," Spock said, making Nyota gape at him.

"Okay, no more meddling, I promise. It's just…"

Nyota fell silent, and Spock waited to see if she was going to add anything. She often did that: she started a sentence and then did not finish it, perhaps hoping for Spock to ask her about her meaning. Spock was curious by nature, but this was the only situation where he preferred to be in ignorance.

"Kirk seems interested too," Nyota finally said, "and I thought this could be your chance to do something about it."

"What makes you say that?" Spock lifted his eyebrow.

"Please, Spock." Nyota scoffed. "You aren't stupid. Stop being so oblivious and look at the data in front of you. If you and Kirk keep making gushy eyes at each other, I won't be the only one to notice the big crush you have on him. Just… observe, okay?"

"There is nothing to _observe_. The Captain and I barely have an effective working relationship; I am still at loss as to how my 'big crush', as you call it, happened."

"Maybe it was destiny." Nyota smiled again, this time hesitantly. "Some things are inevitable. That's why I stepped aside."

Spock was still remorseful about how he had handled their past relationship. He could have been more enthusiastic, yet he was unable to focus on his affair with Nyota when he started working next to the Captain. It wasn't until Nyota pointed out that he was spending more time with the Captain than with her, and that he seemed to enjoy the Captain's company more than hers, that he realized he was entering new emotional grounds he had never experienced before.

However, Spock's recent emotional discovery was one thing, Captain's Kirk interest was another. Spock knew that while he was very professional, the Captain was also social by nature. He spent most of his time with other crewmembers; training with Mister Sulu, or helping Mister Chekov. Spock only wanted to be part of that as well, he did not expect more. Nyota was trying to help, but she probably was being more optimistic than objective.

Besides, Spock needed to work on his control. He kept getting angry when something triggered his jealousy. It was hard to admit, but he could not deny longer that he sometimes felt jealous when he saw other crewmembers showing closeness to the Captain. He still had a hard time calling the Captain by his given name, and yet McCoy kept touching him, Mister Sulu made sexual jokes that involved him… it was perplexing.

"Spock?" Nyota called after him as he stood in front of his door, lost in contemplation.

"I do not believe 'destiny' had anything to do with this development."

"I believe you are too deep in the closet of denial to see what's right in front of you." Nyota smiled gently. "Look, Spock, you're a big boy, I can't tell you what to do. But I feel I need to say something… remember when we broke up?"

"I have an eidetic memory," Spock stated, as he said every time a human asked him if he remembered something. The Captain had stopped asking, even rhetorically, because he noticed that it aggravated Spock.

"Then you probably recall the details better than I do, right?"

"Affirmative." He controlled the need to sigh; this was getting repetitive.

"Why did I break up with you?"

"You alleged that I was spending too much time with the Captain, and said I made no effort to make things work although you tried to be understanding of the situation; you also said I was –"

"I don't need a word-for-word replay of the event, Spock," Nyota interrupted. If she did not want to know, why did she ask? "I said something you didn't understand at the time. The fireworks, correct?"

Oh, that. It had been one of the most stupid arguments Spock had ever heard; however, since Nyota had said it, and she was intelligent and bright, he did not dismiss it entirely.

"You claimed there were no fireworks reflected in my eyes when I looked at you. When I tried to point out the unfounded grounds for that statement, you said that it was not literal and it all came down to the way the eyes 'shine' when one is feeling love."

"Yes. You lacked that with me."

"You already said that. Twice, including this time."

"You lacked that with me…" Spock was about to say that this was the third time, but Nyota lifted her hand to forestall the interruption, "… but you have the fireworks with Kirk."

Spock had not been expecting to hear anything even close to what Nyota just said. Opening his mouth to retort, Spock realized that for the first time in his life, he was speechless.

* * *

><p>Even though Jim knew Bones had reluctantly agreed to dress up for this day, he thought he was going to pull a stunt like Spock's and disguise himself as a grumpy Southern guy. When he entered Sickbay, he was surprised by the sight of his friend.<p>

"What?" Bones said gruffly.

"Um… what are you? A hobbit?"

"Didn't you read 'Lord of the Rings'?" Bones spat. "How, in any way, do I look like a hobbit?"

"I don't know, Bones, you sometimes have weird ideas about characters and things like that…" Jim tried to contain his laughter. "So, who are you then?"

"Eomer. I think he is like me in many ways, surrounded by useless people and such…" Bones waved his hand. "And you are what…? Marilyn Monroe on crack?"

"Come on, admit it, I look good," Jim teased. "I bet you would be all over me right now if you didn't know I was a guy."

"No, I have taste, something you clearly lack." Bones shook his head. "All right, what do you want?"

"Wait, we aren't done with you. So Eomer, was he an Elf with a big helmet?"

"Read the damn books. You should be glad I did this. If it wasn't for the elf you have as Commander I would have told you to fuck off, but no, you send me the annoying Vulcan. '_Doctor McCoy, I noticed you have not signed the agreement the Captain and I discussed with you. May I ask if you want to sign now? I can return later if you desire, however you must understand the necessity of signing on time to send this paperwork to the Admiralty'_." Bones took a breath. "Man, even when I'm mocking him he's annoying. How you managed to get him to agree to this is a mystery."

"You know me, Bones, I have people skills."

"People skills aren't exactly what I would have guessed, but whatever. So, lunch?"

"That's why I'm here. I'm having lunch with Spock."

Bones stared at Jim incredulously.

"What?" Jim fidgeted. He didn't like the look in Bones' eyes.

"You are having lunch with _Spock_," Bones said in a toneless voice.

"Yes, is that a problem? Are you jealous? You know you're number one in my heart, honey," Jim joked, mostly to see if Bones would lose the neutral scary face and return to his usual scowl.

"Right, number one." Bones muttered. "And why are you having lunch with the elf?"

"He wants to hack Starfleet database to get movies for a marathon we improvised on the Bridge."

"Spock wants to hack Starfleet to get movies for a marathon," Bones repeated.

"Is this a game or something? Was the character in the book retarded and needed everything said twice or more?" Jim snapped.

"Oh, a little touchy, aren't we?" Bones finally smiled.

"You are being an ass," Jim pouted.

"I didn't say anything," Bones defended himself.

"It's not the words, it's the tone, like you're implying something. Like you are saying that I like Spock or something, and that's not true," Jim vented.

"How did you go from 'Spock wants to hack Starfleet to get movies for a marathon' to 'You have the hots for the Vulcan'? Honestly Jim, stop projecting on me."

"See? See? You keep making faces and using that condescending tone. Stop it."

"Stop getting your panties in a bunch… literally. I'm just saying…"

Before Bones could continue, Jim's communicator buzzed.

"Kirk," Jim said curtly.

"Captain," Spock's voice echoed in the room. "Are you well? You sound distressed."

"I'm fine, Spock." Jim smiled gently, noticing how Bones smirked at the same time. '_Shut up'_, Jim mouthed.

"I was wondering how much time you will be spending in Sickbay, given that our lunch break is very brief and perhaps it would be wise to –"

"He's on his way, Spock," interrupted Bones, earning a glare from Jim.

"Very well, I apologize for interrupting you." Spock said. "I shall wait in my room then. Spock out."

Jim closed his communicator, sighing.

"His room, huh?" Bones arched an eyebrow.

"He thought we would be more comfortable there," Jim said quickly, trying to avoid the blush on his cheeks.

"I bet you will be. There's a comfy bed, a comfy environment and a comfy Vulcan. You're all set."

"Bite me." Jim turned around, trying to be as calm as he could manage after being caught acting like a high school girl.

Bones' snickered, pissing Jim off as he left. Okay, yeah, Bones didn't say anything but he implied something. He was always laughing or making weird comments to Jim about Spock, and he said Jim stared at the Vulcan and kept smiling stupidly when Spock blinked or acted confused by something he said. He was an adult, he didn't need to do anything to prove Bones was way off.

Jim and Spock were barely co-workers. This thing was just about adjusting himself to having someone like Spock as his second in command. That was all.

"Hello, Captain," Spock greeted when Jim buzzed on his door.

Jim smiled, feeling something hot on his cheeks. Dammit. He had the hots for Spock.

* * *

><p>TBC…<p> 


	2. Doing the time warp

_A/N: This chapter is unbetaed. I took advantage of __**Missy_sansin **__when she offered to help in revising it, but it's still unbetaed. Also this story turned crack without my consent, so beware of sneaky crew and silly plot (if you can find one). Thank you, I hope the chapter isn't that bad, and enjoy. _

* * *

><p>Jim stared at the screen while Spock babbled about the fabulous Starfleet new security code that he was about to break. Since Spock <em>loooooved<em> security codes, he often made Jim upgrade the system when he found brand new codes to 'improve the database'. And instead of being really annoyed, _Jim__loooooved_ Spock for that; it made him smile when Spock came all excited (as much as a Vulcan could show excitement) with ideas about how to make the Enterprise's databases practically impenetrable, even for the Admirals.

Okay, he liked Spock. It wasn't a big deal; sure, he could have aimed for someone a little more… approachable, like Rand, Chapel or Bones. Well, no, actually Bones was less accessible than Spock, if the time they shared back in the Academy was any indication; a drunken mistake and Jim knew his friend wouldn't consider men as an alternative lifestyle (unfortunately it had been painful as well; Bones knew how to hit the family jewelry like no other). So, Spock wasn't that bad, he wouldn't hit Jim if he drunkenly kissed him, right? Let's remember he almost choked you to death. The worst moment for his mind to meddle in this discussion.

The worst part of this wasn't the stupid feelings or the fact that he stared at Spock's ass each time he walked away from the mess hall (yes, he just realized he *stared* at Spock's ass; he thought it was a natural reflex, like appreciating a good painting). No, no, the worst part was admitting that Bones was right about this; man, he was going to gloat a lot.

"Captain?" Spock said, looking at Jim with an eyebrow lifted. He had to resist the urge of kissing it right there.

"Uh, yeah… security codes rule." Jim stammered.

"I concur; however, I have accessed the database five point three minutes ago. Are you feeling unwell?" Spock actually sounded concerned. Dammit.

"No, no, I'm fine. Great, let's steal some movies then." Jim tried to smile, tugging at his wig for small comfort. Now he got why women did that.

"As I have clarified before, we are not 'stealing'; we are merely exercising the right that Starfleet regulation allows us in –"

"No need in quoting the entire section, Spock." Jim smiled, trying to subdue the nervousness. "Okay… how do you feel about Friday the 13th?"

Jim kept suggesting movies while Spock criticized the plot and the validity of ghosts. He hoped the Vulcan didn't notice his goofy smile.

* * *

><p>When they returned to the Bridge, Spock was puzzled by the Captain's behavior. He kept smiling and stammering; at first, Spock thought he was getting ill, perhaps a consequence of the lack of clothing he was currently displaying with his 'costume', but he assured him he was 'fine'. Spock loathed when humans used 'fine' and expected to be enough. For a race that criticized Vulcans' conduct, they were even more evasive when they wanted to hide something.<p>

And Spock was sure the Captain was hiding something; could it be that he was upset for Nyota's comments? He didn't seem upset; however, Spock was aware of how the Captain concealed his emotions pretending to be happy. He could be a Vulcan; he certainly had the skills to suppress emotions. It made Spock uneasy when he didn't know what was wrong with the Captain. It was his job, as Second in Command, to help Kirk in whatever troublesome situation he was, and he made things difficult for Spock when he contained what was upsetting him.

As the Captain took his seat, Spock decided to wait and inquire later; if needed, he would use his ability to see if Kirk was lying. He didn't enjoy using his touch-telepathy in humans, they were volatile and intense, but in this case, it was required; Captain Kirk was an expert at lying and deceiving; he had seen it for himself. Spock was not allowing the Captain to alienate him anymore.

He wanted to help and please the Captain. It was bemusing having such strong feelings; it was a new side of his human half, and he was not sure if he found it acceptable.

"Bones!" Spock tilted his head. Doctor McCoy was on the bridge? "Man, you suck at this, Spock."

"I beg your pardon?" He turned around to see the Captain.

"You're supposed to be Bones, right?" The Captain winked at him. He wished his stomach stopped fluttering.

"In theory." Spock answered neutrally.

"So, you're me?"

Spock tensed immediately. Now McCoy was, in fact, on the Bridge, stepping out from the lift.

"Yeah Bones, you should be flattered." The Captain kept his smile.

"I'm not sure the hobgoblin chose me thinking something flattering," McCoy frowned. He was right; Spock chose this costume because it was the most logical choice.

"I dare to say your costume is very fitting," Spock said to avoid any more comments about his selection of disguise.

"Don't tell me you recognize my costume." McCoy's tone was mocking.

"I am a seventy point two percent certain you are disguised as the character Eomer, correct?"

"Wow, Spock, have you read Lord of the Rings?" Captain Kirk asked, amazed.

Spock never understood why humans were so surprised when he showed knowledge of their culture. His mother was human; some familiarity of the race was expected.

"I have. Several times."

"Always the nerd," McCoy joked. This time Spock didn't feel it like an insult. "At least he didn't call me a _Viking_like Rand did."

"You should be grateful; my dress itches," the Captain complained. It must itch; that dress was very short, even shorter than the females' uniforms.

"Well, it's not my fault you decided to let 'Jasmine' out for the day, is it?" McCoy scorned at the Captain.

"You love Jasmine, admit it!" The Captain, apparently, was joking. Spock was not sure anymore; he had heard the rumors about McCoy and the Captain back in the Academy.

"I didn't come here to be accosted by you." McCoy scoffed. "I inform you that sickbay has been taken hostage by zombies."

"What?"

"Impossible."

"Cool!"

"Like 'Zombieland'?"

"Zombie-party then?"

Spock lifted an eyebrow. They all spoke at the same time.

"Doctor McCoy, what you assert is impossible," Spock tried again.

"Really, mini-me?" McCoy said with sarcasm. Spock didn't know what 'mini-me' made reference to; it was probably best if he remained ignorant.

"Bones, and I mean my Bones, not Spock-Bones," the Captain spoke; it caused discomfort hearing him say 'my Bones'. Jealousy struck in the most ill times. "First, don't call Spock 'mini-me', and second, what the hell are you talking about?"

"No need in getting possessive with the Vulcan, I hardly want him," McCoy said, and Spock would have preferred if this was not just another of the many jokes the Captain and the Doctor shared, "but it's true. Scotty, Keenser and the other stupid engineers are in Sickbay; a big mess with some wires."

"And the zombie part?" Nyota asked, amused.

"They all are dressed like zombies… even Keenser, and how you can make look that thing like a zombie is still a mystery. I would have commed you, but I had to get out. It's madness there."

"And you decided to bring it here as well, correct?" Spock said without considering his words. His emotions had taken control, and he regretted it in the moment his words left his mouth.

He noticed his outburst had been completely inappropriate when the entire bridge staff stared at him with disbelief.

"Well, well, well," even more dreadful, he had given McCoy more material for his mockery, "look who got all worked up because I'm here stealing Jim's attention."

"Bones," the Captain sighed, "behave. We chose the movies for tonight. Wanna see?"

"I think scary movies are stupid, you know that. There is always a moron, or a ghost, or aliens, or sometimes all of them," McCoy frowned, "and more important, I don't like seeing scaring movies with you; you yell like a girl."

"I do not!" Captain Kirk seemed offended.

"Given that he's dressed like one, I would say it's very fitting." Mister Sulu intervened in the discussion.

"Yeah, he probably will need a strong man next to him to protect him," Nyota laughed. "How about you, Spock? It isn't your job to protect the Captain?"

Spock would have choked if he had been eating. He glanced at Nyota hoping to warn her to stop this topic at once; she looked apologetic. _It__slipped_, she mouthed. Somehow Spock thought it was a blatant lie, but he could not question Nyota in front of the fellow crew members.

"Um…" Captain Kirk looked flushed. He knew Nyota's comments made him uncomfortable. "Spock is off-duty today, he's Bones, remember?"

"Yeah, like that is going to work." McCoy snorted, making the Captain glare at him.

Perhaps the Captain and he had something in common after all: Meddling, improper and thoughtless friends.

* * *

><p>When Leonard stepped out of his office, the last thing he expected to see was the entire bridge staff minus Jim and the hobgoblin. What the hell? He had just left the bridge when Spock got all cranky about Leonard making them waste valuable time that they could spend watching space. Whatever, he knew Chapel would have things under control by now, so he didn't mind returning to sickbay. He didn't expect an escort team though.<p>

"What are you doing in my Sickbay?" He decided it was the first thing he needed to ask. The elf was complaining about how busy they were; how they managed to escape from his claws?

"Doctor McCoy," Chekov spoke solemnly, "we need your help."

"What? You all have STDs?" He frowned. He had just given the sex talk to the crew last week, dammit! And he did it to avoid exactly this kind of situations. The crew thought he enjoyed giving these talks, while Jim snickered every time he said 'penis' and yeomen blushed at the mere mention of sexual relations? No, but he did it to prevent this.

"NO!" Chekov blushed. Well, how was he supposed to know? The kid was young; he was probably still hormonal, and Sulu had been chasing him since the Academy.

"We want your help to make Jim and Spock a couple," Uhura said, smirking.

"Wow, lass, that's going to be hard work."

They turned around, seeing Scotty sitting on a bed, looking sheepish.

"Scotty! Are you okay?" Uhura rushed to his side. A pirate and a zombie…. A match made in heaven.

"Aye, Keenser forgot to warn us about the wires, but the good doctor fixed us."

"No, no, no." He had to intervene. "I healed you. To actually fix all of you, I would need a miracle."

"Oh, doctor, you love us," Sulu smiled.

"What's this rubbish about making Jim and the hobgoblin a couple?" Leonard massaged the sides of his head.

"It's pretty obvious they love each other." Chekov started the talk again, "but they're too shy to say anything."

"I think they're too stupid," he grumbled out.

"It's semantics, Leonard." Nyota chuckled, "but we can't take the sexual tension anymore. I mean, Spock keeps staring at Jim, and Jim checks out Spock's butt every time we are in the mess hall… it's making us crazy."

"Okay, I didn't need to know that, I have lunch with him!" Leonard said with dismay. "I still don't see my involvement in this."

"You're his friend." Sulu said.

"Unfortunately."

"Then you know how we can get them together. Otherwise we are trapping them on the lift with Scotty's help," Uhura proclaimed.

"Is this the reason why you were messing with the wires?" Leonard glared at Scotty. "Man, you're whipped!"

"Hey!" Uhura and Scotty protested.

"Here, doctor, we are sharing with you our plans, and we expect your help; or do you prefer the Captain crushing on the Commander?" Chekov asked, smirking.

"All right, _Edward_, what are the plans?"

"It's Jacob!" Chekov complained.

"Same thing, really, vampires are vampires." Leonard shrugged.

After discussing a half hour about why Leonard knew the names of the Twilight saga, they finally shared what they had in mind to join his friend with the Vulcan. Man, this was going to be a long day.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Plan <strong>__**A:**__**  
><strong>_

"Let me get this straight… you all are volunteering in getting things ready for the movie marathon?" The Captain looked at the entire bridge staff with suspicious eyes.

"Of course Jim, you are the Captain; we are here to make your life easier." Nyota smiled.

"Since when?" The Captain frowned, probably bemused by the strange attitude the crew was currently presenting.

"Since now." Mister Sulu added, winking. It bothered Spock. "We can't let a lady do everything by herself, can we?"

"You are letting Uhura help you," the Captain snorted.

"Today I'm not a lady; I'm a pirate," Nyota said overconfident. It also bothered Spock the stares Mister Sulu and Mister Chekov were giving the Captain. "And stop your whining; we are trying to do a good thing here."

"What do you think?" Jim looked at Spock.

Spock lifted his eyebrow. It seemed rather suspicious that the entire crew wanted to go and set things for this evening, leaving the Captain and him alone; however, it could be also an action in good faith. Seeing Nyota's smile, that option was immediately eliminated. They were planning something, and Spock could not identify the exact intentions behind their actions.

"You said this day was mostly to enjoy ourselves," Spock said trying to sound impartial and not let his own doubtful thoughts be voiced. "It is a polite request. However, it seems rather restrictive, as they are leaving both of us out from participating. I thought this was a bonding activity?"

Nyota frowned while Mister Chekov and Sulu looked surprised. The Captain just nodded.

"Indeed, Mister Spock. Now, we can assume two things: One, they don't want us in the activity, and two, they hadn't thought about how they were leaving us out from the fun. Which one is it?"

Nyota exchanged looks with Chekov and Sulu.

"The last one," the three of them said at the same time.

"Very well, then you now are aware that Mister Spock and I want to be part of everything; it was the point of having casual Halloween day after all." Captain Kirk said soberly; Spock enjoyed when the Captain settled arguments and used logic. It was rather attractive seeing a human being so emotional, but at the same time being in control. He differed with the comment that he actually wanted to be part of this, but he had agreed to participate in the activity; it was logical for Kirk to assume he was making an effort to join the humans in their 'bonding activities'.

"Yes, Captain," they said in unison.

"God, you suck all the fun, don't call me Captain; we are having a bonding activity." Captain Kirk complained. "Even Spock is calling me Jim for the day, so no more formalities, all right?"

"Yes Captain," they parroted.

Captain Kirk frowned, but then laughed quietly. Humans… Spock would never understand them.

* * *

><p>"Braveheart, do you copy me?"<p>

"Braveheart here. And I want to say I'm still opposed to that code name." Leonard could hear the annoyance in Scotty's voice.

"Blame Uhura, she was the one giving us the names. So, how are things going with plan A?"

"No idea, I haven't heard anything from the little rascals. I'll ask Russian cupcake."

"You do that." Leonard chuckled. Only Uhura would come up with these names, "and keep me posted."

"For someone who was opposed to this, you sure are acting like you care," Scotty said, amused.

"What can I say? You all convinced me to join the madness. I have to go; Marilyn is here. Dr. Frank-N-Furter out."

Leonard saw Jim entering his office, watching him carefully.

"Dr. Frank-N-Furter? I thought you didn't like the movie." Jim said casually.

"I've found a new interest for it. What can I do for you, Jimbo?"

"Uhura, Sulu and Chekov are acting weird."

"Thanks for the update, not sure what it does have to do with me though." Leonard said quickly. Jim was too smart for his own good.

"I smell plotting, and I know you're involved, so start talking."

"Do you think I don't have better things to do than conspire with your crew?" Leonard scoffed, sounding offended. That often worked with Jim.

"I don't know anymore! I swear, it's almost like they want to leave Spock and me alone; and they don't have any reason to do that unless some mouthy doctor let know that I have a crush on my Commander." Jim crossed his arms.

"Oh, so you're finally out from denial land. It's nice admitting your feelings, right?" He mocked.

"Did you tell them about my crush on Spock?" Jim asked crisply.

"No. Do you love the hobgoblin?" Leonard looked at Jim carefully.

"I wouldn't call it love yet, but if we continue this path, I think I might."

"Good God man! This is Spock, what the hell do you see in him?" Leonard asked with dismay.

"He's perfect, Bones!" Jim said, sounding distressed.

"Do you want a list of his defects? Sometimes love can be blind." He offered; it wasn't like he hadn't considered his friend's feelings, but some perspective wouldn't hurt.

"That's the point; what you consider 'defect' I consider it 'endearing'. Bones, how could you let this happen? You're supposed to be my best friend!"

"Oh, no, don't blame me for your lack of taste." Leonard snapped.

"And now Uhura assigned us together to get the snacks. Can you believe it? It's like they're trying to pair us up or something."

"Or something is about right," he muttered. He knew the plans were stupid, but nobody listened to him. "I assume you ditched the elf to come here and have your girly breakdown."

"I told him I needed my list of allergies." Jim waved his hand. "He seemed to buy it."

"That's so stupid; what kind of idiot wouldn't know about their own allergies?"

"I panicked!" Jim said frantically. "What should I do, Bones?"

"This may be a crazy suggestion, but you could just don't give a fuck and act normally. And when the time is right, you can tell the hobgoblin you have lost your mind, and for some reason you find him attractive." Leonard said calmly.

"Okay, I can do that. I just will act normal. I'm James T. Kirk; I can do anything!" Jim kept his hysterical rant. "All right, fuck it all, I'll just be a man in a dress, being normal."

"That's the spirit." Leonard congratulated.

"Maybe it won't hurt if I act more proper around him… to show him I can be a decent human being… _hello there old chap, a pleasure to see my good mate_."

"Jim, he's a Vulcan, not British," Leonard sighed. "Just act normal, and if that's all, I've things to do, so fuck off."

"Thanks Bones, I knew I could count on you." Jim walked away.

Leonard smirked. Oh, Jim, he knew so well how to play with his little overconfident mind.

"Hot Fudge, this is Dr. Frank-N-Furter," Leonard said through his communicator, "do you copy me?"

"I copy you Dr. Frank-N-Furter, what is it?" Uhura's voice sounded very excited.

"I planted the seed. Marilyn has fallen. How are things with you?"

"Sushi roll is getting the movie before Marilyn notices it. Russian cupcake is watching the hallways."

"Be careful, Marilyn left bunny ears unsupervised. He could be wandering around the hallways as well."

"I assigned them to get the food." Uhura sounded concerned.

"Marilyn had one of his usual meltdowns; he needed a little pep talk. I send him away, he…."

"Code red, code red, bunny ears is coming; Russian cupcake is panicking. I'll distract him! Hot fudge out."

Leonard shook his head. Oh, this was going to be fun after all.

* * *

><p>Spock was bemused by the situation. First, the crew said he and the Captain were assigned to get 'snacks' for the evening, but as soon as he wanted to comply, the Captain rushed to sickbay to get a list of his allergies. It disturbed him how McCoy knew so many things about the Captain, and no, it was not jealousy.<p>

He was left alone on the bridge; it was useless to wait there for the Captain when he could start their assigned task and be efficient. He had said he could excel any given assignment, no matter how pointless and unproductive it could be, and this perhaps was the best time to prove it. He was intrigued when he saw Nyota standing outside the recreation room, as if she was waiting for something… and was that Mister Chekov running down the hallway as well?

"Hi, Spock!" She greeted rather rushed. "Where's your girlfriend?"

"Nyota." Spock sighed. He knew perfectly what she meant.

"Sorry." She looked apologetic. "I'm just teasing you."

"I have requested you to stop that behavior," Spock pointed out; he knew humans needed to be reminded of things, but this was getting ridiculous.

"Let's try again. Where's Jim?" Nyota said, sounding more proper.

"The Captain had to go to Sickbay. Apparently he is allergic to several things, and he needed a list from Doctor McCoy to avoid any difficulties that could frustrate the purpose of the activity."

"Ah, that's good then! I would hate killing Jim when he's dressed as a woman. That would be hard to explain to the Admiralty." Nyota joked, and it was thoughtless.

"I would prefer if your sense of humor was not this… tactless," Spock said, trying to sound calm. The mere suggestion of the Captain being killed made him uncomfortable, as he still regretted his loss of control when Vulcan was destroyed.

"You need to let go, Spock." Nyota smiled at him. "This day is for pranks, you know?"

"No, I did not know, the Captain did not mention that in the briefing."

"Change of subject; why aren't you in the mess hall, getting the food?"

"I was on my way to do such activity when I saw you standing here. May I ask why you are in the hallway? I thought you were busy enough to not be able to help the Captain and I with the 'snack assignment' as you called it." Spock arched an eyebrow. There was something strange in Nyota, she was acting odd.

"Hot fudge, this is Braveheart." Spock heard Mister Scott's voice. Nyota paled and took her communicator quickly.

"Bunny ears," she whispered, perhaps hoping Spock would not overhear. His hearing was sharper than what she thought, therefore he indeed had heard.

"Shit!" The engineer cursed. Spock hatred when humans used that vocabulary ."Going back to Wonderland!"

Wonderland? As in 'Alice in Wonderland? Why would Mister Scott make reference of a children's book? He looked at Nyota, expecting an explanation. She laughed nervously instead.

"Hi, Jim!" She waved at someone behind Spock.

When he turned around, he could see the Captain standing near him.

"I thought you would be in the mess hall already, Spock." The Captain said. Spock probably was mistaken, however he could swear the Captain's voice was far too formal.

"I apologize; I was detained by my own curiosity." Spock explained. "Shall we go then?"

"Of course Commander, we have the most important responsibility. Keeping our crew fed and happy," the Captain smiled, but it seemed forced.

"Are you okay, Jim?" Nyota asked, and it must be really obvious if she could see it as well.

"Sure, I'm fine, never better. Why? Do you think I'm in love or something? Pleaseeeee!" Spock tilted his head. The Captain was speaking quickly and tripping his words.

"In love?" Nyota repeated.

"Have to go! Come on, Spock!"

The Captain grabbed Spock's arm and dragged him away from Nyota. He was three times stronger than a human, so if he really wanted to stay in the hallway, there had been no way for the Captain to manage hauling him. The Captain seemed distressed though, and Spock thought it was best to just humor him. He silently wondered if 'Halloween' also meant 'humans acting weirder than usual and being senseless'. If it did not, it should.

* * *

><p>Nyota watched Jim pulling Spock down the hallway, and Spock did absolutely nothing to free himself from Jim's grasp.<p>

"Dr. Frank-N-Furter, this is hot fudge, do you copy me?"

"Dr. Frank-N-Furter here, what's wrong?"

"Man… what the hell did you do to Marilyn?" She had to ask! Jim practically said he loved Spock.

"Let me guess… did he say he loved bunny ears?"

"Yeah," she laughed, "and then ran away dragging bunny ears with him."

"He just needs the final push… jealousy still on?"

"Oh, but with a little twist, and I need your help." Nyota hoped Leonard agreed.

"I've agreed with the stupid code names and pushing Marilyn to the edge, but I refuse to do that." Leonard spat, and Nyota knew he would decline.

"Come on! We are so close, do you want to see your friend happy or not?"

"That depends… if my integrity is on the line, then no."

"Please, Leonard." Nyota used her best convincing voice.

"Argh, you will get your own ship soon enough, woman," Leonard grumbled out. "Fine."

"Great! I'll tell sushi roll and Russian cupcake about it. Hot fudge out."

Nyota smiled. Everything was ready for plan B.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Plan <strong>__**B:**__**  
><strong>_

Jim felt like an idiot after his breakdown in the hallway. Fortunately, Spock was so dense; he didn't get how Jim practically declared his love for him in front of his ex. Because of course, now was the moment where Jim realized he loooooved Spock, and it wasn't just a silly crush like he had told Bones. How did he manage to fall for the guy with only seven months of being with him, sharing the same space, the same routine and the same hobbies? Well, now it didn't seem like a crazy thing, but he had been sharing space with Bones for five years now and there was no spark between them (and whatever spark Jim was starting to get, Bones sure killed it with that knee in Kirk Jr. back in the Academy), so why Spock? Why this cold, distant and annoying Vulcan?

"Captain?" Spock looked at him with his eyes full of concern. "Are you feeling ill?"

That was why. He could see Spock behind all the Vulcan façade, and he could really see the person behind the two cultures. Crap, he was getting all girly about this situation. He loved Spock. Yes, he loved Spock; he loved Spock; he loved Spock… and repeating it in his head wasn't going to change it, so he should stop and say some words, as Spock was getting suspicious.

"I think this dress is too short," he croaked, because he just pictured Spock saying _'I__concur,__let's__rip__it__off__and__have__sex'_. God, this was so messed up.

"I concur." Jim started to panic. NO WAY! His heart started beating faster. "I mentioned several options for you to choose, and you selected the most inappropriate disguise you could think of."

"Well, your costume choices were boring." Jim bit back. Way to kill the mood here, Spock.

"They were practical." Spock defended his point.

"Dressing as a tree is boring, Spock." Jim kept the discussion, refusing to back out, "and if I had dressed as a tree, my ass wouldn't look this great, don't you think?"

That did the trick. Spock just stared at him without saying anything back, and Jim probably was imagining the small greenish color on his cheeks. He seemed to be thinking the best argument to win this discussion, but Jim wouldn't let him.

"It's settled then. As short as my dress is, my ass is fabulous, so I chose wisely. Let's go to the recreation room, the crew is probably waiting for us."

They started walking in silence.

"I still believe your choice was unsuitable," Spock said in a low voice.

"I heard that." Jim glared at Spock.

"It was meant to be heard." Spock answered coldly.

God, this infuriating Vulcan! How Jim wished they could start ravishing each other and end all this sexual tension, at least on his part.

* * *

><p>Apparently the crew decided to have their marathons with their friends in their rooms. Or so Chekov and Sulu said, meaning that just the bridge crew, Bones and Scotty were in the recreation room.<p>

"But we just reprogrammed the food replicator." Jim complained.

A cough from Uhura made Bones stand up muttering_right_. Right what?

"Don't fuss, darling." Why was Bones using his bedroom voice on Jim? "You look adorable, Have I told you that?" Okay, it was getting freakier, Bones actually took him gently from the waist. He was too stunned to do anything, but he thought he heard a growl somewhere around the room.

"Look how adorable you two look!" Uhura said, happily. Then she did something even weirder… she came closer to Spock and took his hand, which Spock shook away almost like the touch had burned

"Um, Bones… you are rather touchy, did Chapel give you a sedative?" He had to ask, Chapel said Bones got friendlier and funnier when he was on meds.

"What? Can't a guy admire such a beautiful lady like you?" Bones's breath was on his ear, and he gave a pleading look to Spock, who was trying to struggle himself off from Uhura's embrace. What the hell was going on here?

However, he had no time to ponder about that, Spock took three long strides and pried Bones off from him, nerve-pinching him rather quickly, letting him fall on the floor carefully. At least he made sure he didn't hit his head.

"You didn't have to knock out Bones," Jim said; deep down, he thought it was sweet having Spock defending his honor. It was a creepy turn-on for him, seeing the Vulcan all territorial; still, it probably was because Jim was the Captain and Spock took his Commander's responsibility too seriously.

"He was touching you in an inappropriate manner." Spock pointed out.

"Well, so was Uhura, and you don't see me leaving her unconscious." Jim added bitterly; yes, that pissed him off, he knew Vulcans kiss with their hands and the fact that Uhura just frenched Spock in front of everyone was annoying.

"Jealous, Jim?" Uhura smirked. Again, what the hell was going on here?

"I apologize; you are right. I should not have permitted Lieutenant Uhura act so informal." Spock deadpanned.

Jim felt like an idiot. Spock was trying to help and well, it had been a drastic measure, but it was effective. Bones was making him uncomfortable, and just because he loved Spock, it didn't mean he would love him back. Perhaps he and Uhura were planning on getting back together and he had acted like an ass.

"No, no, sorry, I was… surprised by the way Bones acted; he isn't normally this grabby. Maybe he was feeling ill and Chapel gave him a migraine pill. Those usually make him act happy and friendly. This is an informal activity, I told you that. Sorry to rain on your parade, but I need to get Bones to Sickbay," Jim said, trying to lift up his friend. Man, he was heavy; he would mock him for this later.

"I will carry Doctor McCoy to Sickbay." Spock said suddenly. "It is my responsibility after all."

"No need, I can do it." Jim smiled widely to show it was fine. "Stay here and help Uhura with the settings. Maybe Bones and I can get back for the second movie."

Jim then noticed Chekov blushing and Sulu coughing; weird, they had been standing here witnessing everything, and just now started making noises.

"Uh… Jim." Uhura said, stammering. "Y-your dress…"

"You are showing the merchandise, Captain." Scotty pointed out as serious as he could.

"Dammit!" Jim let go of Bones, who fell on the floor with a 'thump' sound. Shit, he was going to pay for that one. He rolled down his dress while he tried not to blush. He wasn't shy, but Spock was there, and it was hardly the impression he wanted to make for the Vulcan.

"It is better if I carry Doctor McCoy, Captain." Spock repeated. "You can accompany me if you desire."

"Yeah Jim, let Spock do the hard work," Uhura piped in.

"All right, but we aren't telling Bones I dropped him, are we clear?" Jim said tiredly.

"Yes, Captain," they said at the same time.

Jim saw Spock lifting Bones without an effort. He then thought the millions things Spock could lift and how his strength would be convenient for certain sexual positions. Bad Jim, no thinking about beding the Vulcan until you find out if he is single for sure, he thought while he followed Spock out of the Rec. Room.

"You can be on time for the first movie, Spock." Jim reassured when they were getting out. "Just drop us off and you can get back."

"I doubt I would enjoy the activity; if it is not too much trouble, I wish to stay with you until you return to the room as well."

Jim blushed and couldn't form a coherent sentence, so he just nodded. Spock said he wanted to be with him, and not with Uhura… this counted for something, right? Maybe Bones unconscious wasn't that bad after all. Until he woke up, of course, then it would be hell for everyone.

* * *

><p>Uhura smirked at her companions. This was getting interesting; she knew jealousy would be the key.<p>

"Lass, McCoy is going to kill you when he wakes up," Scotty said, smiling.

"It was worth it. And you lost, Braveheart; remember, we should stick to the code names to see how many of us cracked under the pressure." She conveniently didn't share that she had called McCoy by his first name in order to convince him of doing this.

"I crack like an egg all the time." Scotty shrugged. "It was expected."

"Do you think Marilyn and bunny ears will finally admit their feelings?" Chekov asked.

"There's always plan C," Sulu added.

"I think we might use it, sushi roll." Nyota sighed. "This, as effective as it was at the time, won't last. If Dr. Frank-N-Furter had kissed Marilyn… perhaps it would have moved things along quicker."

"Dr. Frank-N-Furter was clear: no kissing." Chekov nodded.

"Yeah, that spoilsport. Anyway, let's set things for the next step… something tells me that those two will take their time before getting back."

Chekov and Sulu nodded in agreement, and Scotty shook his head saying they were crazy. At least their intentions were good, that had to count for something. Nyota knew Spock was going to be pissed at her again, mostly because she grabbed his hand in front of Jim, but it was necessary.

However, she also knew Spock would be nothing compared to McCoy. That man was going to make her life hell next time she visited Sickbay. Too late for regrets though, it was time to prepare everything for plan C.


End file.
